Are You a Victim of Your Own Making?

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This is what the dictionary says:


Vic-tim

Noun

1.  A person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency: a victim of an automobile accident

2.  A person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency: a victim of misplaced confidence, the victim of a swindler, a victim of an optical illusion.

3.  A person or animal sacrificed or regarded as sacrificed: war victims

4.  A living creature sacrificed in religious rites.

Naturally, as writers, the first thing we think about is the victim in our books or stories. However, I think we can be the victim of our own circumstances as well. Sometimes taking control of our lives can be a hard thing to do.

I got to thinking about this as I was lying in bed trying to sleep. I think I got about two hours between 1:30 and 3:30 and then I was wide-awake, tossing, and turning, finally getting up at 6:15 when I felt myself getting drowsy. Sometimes on days like this, I go ahead, fall to sleep, and then am shaken awake by 9 AM and accused of “sleeping in.” This is a cardinal sin at our house. Other times, I just get up because it’s easier, instead of getting the extra rest I need, even if it is a long day.

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My husband has a thing about keeping schedules and that hasn’t changed, even if he is retired. He grew up like that with strict rules, whereas I grew up the opposite. Sometimes that can be a problem.

I listened to my husband snoring all night, which is a good thing because he is cranky if he doesn’t get his eight hours. At least somebody was sleeping. I tried to put all thoughts out of my mind, but before long, I was thinking about working on my book in the peace and quiet of the day, and the grueling day of exhausting yard work that lay ahead later. I was thankful we took yesterday off. My body certainly needed that rest.

Then my thoughts started to wonder around as they usually do. I remembered I forgot to set up the coffee pot, as I do every night before bed, so I got up in the dark and took care of that. Back in bed, I started wondering if I can go on another 25 or 30 years on two hours of sleep a night. This led me to ponder the idea of buying an over-the-counter sleeping aide. Hmmm...

Anyway, I had the last letter to write up for the challenge and then it came to me – the V word – because I am a victim of insomnia. I have been this way all of my life, and can’t remember a time when it wasn’t hard to fall to sleep, unless I am simply exhausted from working hard and staying up for hours. However, that being said, I have a lot on my mind lately with this pending move and all that entails, as well as working on my book, and keeping up with all the other stuff around the house. Things feel almost tumultuous to me. I like it when it’s just the opposite – peaceful and quiet. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever be that way again.