Does anyone else ever feel like this?
I’m afraid this will be a venting post because there is no one to talk to at my house - not “really talk to” that would understand at all.
Lately there has not been enough time to do everything I want to do. Of course I must confess that I feel like that a lot of the time, but especially around the holidays when there is lots of extra stuff added to the “to do” list. That’s when I feel like the one-armed paperhanger and wish I had octopus tentacles so that I can accomplish everything.
All of this holiday stuff seems to fall on me at my house, shopping, wrapping, getting the tree put up, cards sent out, going to the post office, etc. etc. There are times when it crosses my mind to forego the whole business wishing it wasn’t that time again already.
Every year it seems like the holiday season gets here quicker. I find myself not wanting to spend the extra hours to do all this stuff because I simply don’t have the time. One of my sisters is feeling the same way this year. When you’re constantly on the run, it is hard to squeeze everything in and keep everyone happy at the same time while also accomplishing something each day. Are we being selfish by wanting to work other things in that we want to do that are important to us? My husband thinks so. That should go on the back burner. I don’t know what other people think, or if it even matters one way or the other. Perhaps I can’t see the forest for the trees.
I am still amazed that I was able to complete the NaNo I involved myself in with everything else that goes on around my house on any given day. Now, of course, I’m trying to polish that out and actually make it sensible. I would rather put my efforts there since my goal is to enter the manuscript in a contest the middle of January. This is important to me, yet no one seems to understand how I feel about this. I suppose finishing this is an unrealistic assumption again on my part and all this other stuff needs to take preference over my desire to get this labor of love done. I know that is the way my husband sees it anyway, him not having any passions at all in life.
I wonder why, when and how all this holiday stuff became a woman’s work? My husband is retired with plenty of time on his hands, usually looking for something to do, as seen in my point of view. I can’t even enjoy this season anymore because I’m under too much pressure by the time I take all this and add it to the regular household chores and daily life, along with my deadlines. I don’t even have time to sit and read a book, something I really like to do.
Besides finishing my book, I’m also working on some freelance projects that have deadlines. Deadlines are things most people can’t understand unless you’ve had to work under them. There is no time to take a deep breath, and relax. It is constantly running from the time my feet hit the floor in the morning, not stopping until I crawl back into bed in the wee hours. Ugh! If it wasn’t for my insane positive attitude that I can always somehow accomplish everything on my plate, I think I would have thrown in the towel by now. I’m not sure where my optimism comes from exactly, but I’ve always been that way even though I know deep down there is no hope of completing all that I have on my list. I’m like the little duck paddling madly in the large pond staying just one-step ahead of the alligators, yet seeming all calm and joyful on the outside.
So the alligators are swimming all around me, nipping at my rear. Am I winning or will they win?